I’m sarcastic. I’m not just sometimes sarcastic, like in awkward situations where I feel on the defensive or in other scenarios where I’m tying to hide my true emotions. No, I’m always sarcastic, through and through, to the core, and right down to my very bones.
And, because of this personality trait, things are difficult for me when it comes to dealing with those who don’t speak in sarcasm. I’m not sure why one wouldn’t, but I digress.
As a sarcastic woman, there some struggles that come with the territory. Daily struggles that I can’t escape, and if you’re a sarcastic person, as well, you know exactly the pains of which I speak.
Of course, this does not mean I’ll be amending myself anytime soon, but I would like to take a moment to get some of these struggles off of my chest.
1. You’ve been called a bitch more times than you can count.
Although it’s the furthest from the truth.
2. People consistently think you’re mean during first meetings.
Again, it’s the furthest from the truth.
3. Which also means your friends are constantly complaining about how they have to warn people about your “meanness.”
Well, that’s their problem not yours.
4. But honestly, you don’t really like most people anyway.
Which can be trying, because, you know, life.
5. Your perma-bitch face causes people to ask, “Are you kidding?” Then telling you that they “can’t tell” if you’re serious or not.
And, man, does that get old fast.
6. People never take your compliments seriously.
(Even when they totally are!)
7. Those same people also accuse you of making them self-conscious just because they can’t read your compliment.
Get some therapy, if you’re that insecure about what I say.
8. Your deadpan expression to even the most exciting things is often misunderstood.
Sometimes you just don’t have to jump up and down, and smile to be happy.
9. You’re constantly pointing out to people you’re “just being sarcastic,” because they just don’t effing get it.
Even after knowing me for a decade some of my friends don’t get it.
10. People can never quite read your emotions.
But that’s the way you prefer it.
11. And when things are really bad, someone will always make light of it, because they think you’re being sarcastic. Again.
But boy, oh boy, do they feel like idiots afterward.
12. You get easily aggravated when someone questions your sarcasm.
Go ahead. Ask me one more time why I’m sarcastic all the time. Do it!
13. But you get even more aggravated with the endlessness of need to tell people you’re being sarcastic.
14. Dating is near impossible.
Unless, of course, you find a fellow sarcastic person
15. Not a day goes by that you don’t accidentally insult someone “too dumb” to understand your intended tone.
If only you had a penny for every time you had to apologize to a moron.
16. You always feel like you’re alone in your wit and bizarre sense of humor.
Because you pretty much are.
17. And the headaches are never-ending, because you’re constantly forced to roll your eyes at everything.